Stolen from around the web
You May No Longer Be Cool If:
You listen to talk radio (and NPR IS talk radio…). Your daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. The pattern on your shorts matches your sofa. You fondly remember your leisure suit. You criticize kids for their Satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath. You call the police about the noisy party next door instead of grabbing a beer and joining it. Jogging is something you do to your memory. “Getting some action” means your prune juice worked. Cars behind you flash their headlights. You actually ask your father for advice. You don’t text. Your first car cost the same as your son’s new running shoes. You turn down free rock concert tickets because you have to work tomorrow. Grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
A better world would be where chickens can cross a road without having their motives questioned!
Parallel lines have so much in common it’s a shame they’ll never meet!
For the first twenty years of a man’s life, his mother asks where he’s going. For the next forty years, his wife asks where he’s going. When he dies, his mourners wonder where he’s going!
Three guys were fishing on a lake when Jesus Christ himself walked across the water to their boat. They were astonished! One man said humbly, “Oh, Jesus, I’ve suffered from back pain ever since ‘Nam. Could you help me?” “Of course, my son,” Jesus answered, touched the man’s back and, for the first time in years, he was pain free. The second man asked, “My vision has gotten worse and worse. Is there anything you could do about my eyesight?” Jesus smiled, removed the man’s glasses and tossed them in the lake. As they hit the water, the man’s eyes cleared and he could see everything clearly. Jesus turned to the third man, who raised his hands defensively and said, “Don’t touch me! I’m drawin’ disability!”
Aggressive Retirement 