Stolen from around the web
I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow older — younger!
My only chance to ever have a smoking hot body is cremation!
There’s just no pleasing women. They tell us to “Get lost!” and then they complain when we don’t ask for directions!
At my age, “getting lucky” is defined as entering a room and remembering why I’m there!
My 7-year-old nephew showed me with pride the “telephone” he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my cellphone and said, “That’s nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!”