Stolen from around the web
When you use up a roll of wrapping paper, you’re still not old if you use the leftover tube as a weapon!
At my age, “getting lucky” is defined as entering a room and remembering why I’m there!
My 7-year-old nephew showed me with pride the “telephone” he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my cellphone and said, “That’s nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!”
During one busy court session, the judge passed a note to his clerk: “Blind on right side. May be falling. Please call someone.” The understandably alarmed clerk made a quick phone call and then whispered to the judge, “Paramedics are on the way!” The puzzled judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right window and said, “I was thinking of someone from Maintenance!”
A new father ran into the delivery waiting room and announced to his family, “It’s twins!” His family was excited. One asked, “Who do they look like?” The new father blurted, “Each other!”
Aggressive Retirement 