Stolen from around the web
A salesman grew tired of his job and changed careers, becoming a policeman. Months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. He replied, “Well, the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is the customer is always wrong!”
For her baby daughter’s first supermarket trip, Martha dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her purchases around her daughter. At the checkout, the small boy in front of her was whining to his mother. Martha laughed when she heard the boy’s mother say, “No, you may not have a baby sister! That lady got the last one!”
The preacher told the young man, “Son, you must do the right thing by this girl. Marry her and you’ll be at the end of your troubles.” So the kid did the right thing and married his girlfriend. Six months later, he saw the preacher again. “Pastor! You lied to me! You said if I married her, I’d be at the end of my troubles! Well, I did marry her. And she’s made my life miserable!” “True, son. I said you’d be at the end of your troubles. But I didn’t say which end!”
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. But then it was too late!
As the dog said to the cat, “They don’t keep you on a leash because they *want* you to run away!”
Aggressive Retirement 