Stolen from around the web
“Rabinovich, I salute you! You been married to Sarah for thirty years, yet whenever I see you in the mall, you’re holding hands.” Rabinovich replied, “I’m afraid that if I let go, she’ll buy something!”
While chatting with a hot blonde at the bar, she asked about my job. I told her I was in the military, specifically, the infantry. She seemed very impressed and gave me a big smile. “That’s so sweet.” I looked puzzled; I’ve never heard infantry referred to as “sweet.” Then she continued. “I admire a man who works with babies!”
A church celebrated its 100th anniversary with several former pastors and the bishop in attendance. The minister gathered all the children for a talk on this important day. He asked the kids, “Does anyone know what the bishop does?” There was silence. Finally, one little boy hesitantly offered, “Is he the one that only moves diagonally?”
“You look lovely, my dear!” gushed the wedding guest to the bride. She then whispered, “Whatever happened to that ditzy blonde your groom used to date?” The bride replied, “I dyed my hair.”
Water fights were a big deal at one college dorm. And since every room had a sink there was endless ammo. The Resident Assistant, the most common target, returned to his room one day after class and noticed his door ajar. He looked up and saw a pail of water carefully balanced, ready to douse him. He carefully took it down and emptied it into his sink. Then he realized they’d also removed the drainpipe beneath his sink!
Aggressive Retirement 