Stolen from around the web
A blonde complained to her friend, “It was terrible at the movies last night! I had to change seats five times.” “Why? Did some guy bother you?” “Yeah. Eventually.”
When my kids text me “plz” because it’s shorter than “please,” I text back “no” because it’s shorter than “yes!”
Joe answered the knock on the door. Some kids in costumes said, “Give us candy or we’ll bad mouth you on social media!” Joe was taken aback. “Huh?” he said. The kids concluded, “Sorry, man, it’s trick or tweet!”
My new blonde girlfriend got all angry on me last night when she saw my phone. “Who in the hell is this Amber Alert?!”
I purchased a Senior’s GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get there, but why I wanted to go there in the first place.