Phriday Phunnies

Stolen from around the web
Image of a clown

Did you ever notice the older we get, the more we’re like computers? We start out with lots of memory and drive, then we become outdated, crash at odd moments, acquire errors in our systems and need to have parts replaced.

Moses and his flock were at the Red Sea, with the Egyptians in pursuit. He called a staff meeting. “We need some way to get across this sea – fast. The Egyptians are gaining on us.” The General of the Armies said, “Normally, I’d have my men build a bridge, but there’s not enough time.” The Admiral of the Navy said, “I’d have my men build barges, but the Egyptians are too close.” Moses was distraught. “Doesn’t anyone have a solution?” His Public Relations man raised his hand. Moses said to him, “What? You? You have a solution?” The P.R. man shook his head. “No, I don’t know what to do but if you can find a way out of this, I promise to get you at least a couple of pages in the Old Testament!”

Two bees were buzzing through a field. One said, “The weather’s been cold and damp, and there aren’t any flowers, so I can’t make honey.” The other replied, “No problem. Just fly east five blocks, turn left, and fly until you see a lot of cars. There’s a bar mitzvah with all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit.” The first bee thanked his friend and flew away. That evening, the two bees saw each other again. “So? How’d it go?” “Great! There was lots of fruit and some huge floral arrangements.” “But what’s that on your head?” “That’s my yarmulke. I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp!”

A coach found a cell phone on the gym floor after a basketball game. He immediately handed it to one of the referees, saying, “Here’s your phone.” “Why, yes it is. How did you know?” asked the ref. The coach replied, “Easy. It says you missed twelve calls!”

Age does not diminish the despair when the ice cream falls from the cone to the sidewalk.

Published by barnberry

Well over aged 60 (well, OK, a lot more than that...) father of one outstanding young woman, unworthy husband of the most patient and talented woman in the world, retired small business owner, lover of all the wrong foods, political junkie and resident of NH. A conservative with a libertarian streak, and a thoughtful, impish, dedicated curmudgeon.

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