Stolen from around the web
During one busy court session, the judge passed a note to his clerk: “Blind on right side. May be falling. Please call someone.” The understandably alarmed clerk made a quick phone call and then whispered to the judge, “Paramedics are on the way!” The puzzled judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right window and said, “I was thinking of someone from Maintenance!”
A new father ran into the delivery waiting room and announced to his family, “It’s twins!” His family was excited. One asked, “Who do they look like?” The new father blurted, “Each other!”
A salesman grew tired of his job and changed careers, becoming a policeman. Months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. He replied, “Well, the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is the customer is always wrong!”
For her baby daughter’s first supermarket trip, Martha dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her purchases around her daughter. At the checkout, the small boy in front of her was whining to his mother. Martha laughed when she heard the boy’s mother say, “No, you may not have a baby sister! That lady got the last one!”
The preacher told the young man, “Son, you must do the right thing by this girl. Marry her and you’ll be at the end of your troubles.” So the kid did the right thing and married his girlfriend. Six months later, he saw the preacher again. “Pastor! You lied to me! You said if I married her, I’d be at the end of my troubles! Well, I did marry her. And she’s made my life miserable!” “True, son. I said you’d be at the end of your troubles. But I didn’t say which end!”
Aggressive Retirement 