Stolen from around the web
As the dog said to the cat, “They don’t keep you on a leash because they want you to run away!”
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. But then it was too late!
Two blondes were waiting at a bus shelter. When the bus came, one leaned in and asked the driver, “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?” The driver shook his head. “No, ma’am. I’m sorry.” Then the other blonde leaned in and asked, “Will it take *me* there?”
A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree, which is a plant. Therefore, chocolate is salad!