Stolen from around the web
Old Dude Humor
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without the accompanying sound effects.
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing and intend to continue to do so.
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
Aggressive Retirement 