Stolen from around the web
Old Dude Humor
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
As we get older we have to remain positive. The other day I fell down the stairs. Instead of getting upset, I just thought, “Wow, that’s the fastest I’ve moved in years!”
I have one cup of coffee in the morning just to start the day off right. The rest is to keep me out of jail, help me form complete sentences and fuel my razor sharp wit.