Stolen from around the web
Some days I wish more people were fluent in silence
Well! Well! Well! If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions…
Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean someone’s not out to get me.
Never give your printer a hint that you are in a rush. It can smell fear.
A pirate developed some spots on his arm. After his doctor examined him, he said, “Good news. They’re benign.” The pirate answered, “No way, Doc. I counted eleven!”