Stolen from around the web
If I were marketing a new alcoholic beverage I’d name it “Responsibly” because then even my competition would have to say, “Please Drink Responsibly.”
When his printer’s output grew faint, a man called the local computer repair shop. A friendly serviceman suggested it probably only needed a cleaning. “We can do it for $50 or you could do it yourself.” Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the customer asked, “Is your boss aware that you discourage business?” The repairman responded, “Actually, it’s the boss’s idea. After people try to fix it themselves, we make even more money on repairs!”
I have friends in Florida who live in a gatored community.
Ophthalmologist: “Your test results are back.” Patient: “Can I see them?” Ophthalmologist: “Probably not.”
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?” The rabbit says, “I dunno. I’m only here because of autocorrect.”
Aggressive Retirement 