Author Archives: barnberry

Stolen from around the web If I were marketing a new alcoholic beverage I’d name it “Responsibly” because then even my competition would have to say, “Please Drink Responsibly.” When his printer’s output grew faint, a man called the local computer repair shop. A friendly serviceman suggested it probably only needed a cleaning. “We canContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Some days I wish more people were fluent in silence Well! Well! Well! If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions… Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean someone’s not out to get me. Never give your printer a hint that you are in a rush. It can smell fear.Continue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web When I see ads on TV with a happy, smiling housewife using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds she is on. I hate it when I go to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get…well, you know…Double Stuffed Oreos. Me, sobbing,Continue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web 75% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet. Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it. I hate it when people ask me what I did yesterday…I don’t know, I breathed a lot, probably got angry with someone…sighed heavily. The list goes on. Why do professional athletesContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Sometimes I just want to tell my boss sorry, my mom said I can’t come in today. It’s weird being the same age as old people. Row, row, row your boat gently away from me. It’s way too peoply out there today. I’ve never seen anyone jogging and smiling…that’s allContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web I just heard a woodpecker call me paranoid in morse ode. You have to be odd to be number one. Hmmm, that’s a bit harsh. Let me put LOL at the end of it. We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. “Wisdom doesn’t necessarilyContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web My wife asked me why I speak so softly inside the house. I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed… I wish my life had background music like the movies so I could tell what was going to happen next. IContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Old Dude Humor When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?” Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into yourContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Old Dude Humor

Stolen from around the web I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it. It’s amazing how different booty calling and butt dialing are. Why are they called stairs when inside but steps when outside? When I got my vaccine, the nurse said, “Oh, I see you haveContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”