Author Archives: barnberry

Stolen from around the web The waiter asked me how I found my steak. I told him, “Accidentally! I just moved the tomato slice, and there it was.” The waiter said, “These are the best eggs we’ve had for years.” I told him to bring some that hadn’t been around that long. I asked forContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Hospital gowns are like insurance; they never cover as much as you think they do! Getting older is waking up and thinking you’re hungover and then realizing nope…this is just who you are now. “I’ll have a margarita, please.” “I’ll need to see your ID.” “Wow, you think I lookContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web My sister came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread. “Are you expecting guests?” I asked. “No,” she replied. “Then why did you buy so much bread?” Hospital gowns are like insurance: they never cover as much asContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Marriage counselor: “Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?” Husband: “To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.” “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “To.” “To, who?” “That’s ‘to whom’!” Isn’t it ironic that procrastination is something that you can do immediately? People who raise poultry areContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web My friend tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image came out blurry. He has selfie steam issues! Why shouldn’t you fart in an Apple store? They don’t have windows. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon. Behind every angry woman stands aContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the internet I may like having tinnitus; it has a nice ring to it. I saw a sign in the casino that read, “Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.” So, I called them and said, “I got an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What should I do?” At my funeral,Continue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web A young daughter watched her mother prepare a brisket for dinner. Mom sliced the ends of the brisket off before placing it in the roasting pan. “Mom? Why do you always slice the ends off?” Mom paused. “You know, honey, I’m not sure. This is the way my mom alwaysContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web When the shy guy gave his date a bouquet of flowers, she threw her arms around him and kissed him. He quickly turned to leave. She said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I offend you?” He replied, “Not at all. I was just going for more flowers.” Why do you haveContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Some Dad jokes to annoy your family…(sorry) Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems! Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space! I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Parallel lines haveContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web When Peters learned he was fired, he asked the human resource manager, “I’ve been with this firm for a long time; may I have a letter of recommendation?” The human resource manager agreed and said, “Give me a minute.” Soon, Peters had his letter: “Jonathan Peters worked for our companyContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”