Author Archives: barnberry

Stolen from the web Procrastination is the only project I’ve started on time. Note to self: When stopped at the DUI roadblock and the officer asks for your license and registration, don’t ask him to hold your beer next time. “Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line until it’s no longerContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from the web I wondered how I could get my husband to address Christmas cards, as I had so many other things to do. I arranged everything, pulled up a chair, and said, “Come on, Dear, let’s get these out of the way.” He glanced at the array on the table, turned away, wentContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from the web Did you notice there are few Hallmark movies set in the South? Unexpected snow isn’t magical there – it is terrifying and leads to riots at the Piggly Wiggly. I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, I just make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day. What doContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Someone asked me if I went out of my way to annoy people. I said “Trust me it is not out of my way.” You know you are getting old when the cops stop asking if you know how fast you were going and ask if you know WHERE youContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web “Hey, Peter? How did you get that bruise?” “Eating Halloween candy.” “Halloween candy won’t give you a bruise.” “It will when it’s your big brother’s Halloween candy!” I read that anyone travelling in icy conditions should carry with them a shovel; blankets or sleeping bag; extra clothing; a 24-hour supplyContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web I got a new high score today. Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale! You’ll never find another me. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it is the truth. Seeking a new job, the blonde appeared for an interview. The boss began byContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web I used to be a people person until people ruined it My therapist put a half glass of water in front of me, then asked if I was a pessimist or an optimist. I drank the water and told her I was a problem solver. What if they are notContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Is it OK to pull the bag of wine out of the box and stab a straw in it like it’s a giant adult Capri Sun? Asking for a friend. Statistics show that, after the age of seventy, there are many more women than men. That’s a helluva time forContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Instead of saying, “Have a nice day!” try saying, “Have the day you deserve!” and let karma sort it out! Drink coffee! Do Stupid Things Faster with More Energy. Sign in a Photographer’s Studio: “Shoot the kids. Hang the family. Frame the wife.” Why did the cows return to theContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”