Category Archives: Humor

Stolen from around the web Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator? Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother, Frank, was a real monster! I was wondering about the music coming from my printer. Apparently the paper was jamming. Evidently, sound travels far slower than I was taught. The thingsContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Whenever you feel your job is useless, remember this: somebody installs turn signals in BMWs! My therapist says I’m a narcissist. A great, important, and very special narcissist! Yesterday, the boss told me, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” But today, when I showed upContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web OK, I’m ready to stop complaining about winter and start complaining about spring. Some days I hate it when I go out in public and the public is there. Website: “We use cookies to improve our performance.” Me: “Same.” Why do drugstores make the sick customers walk all the wayContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web I hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she hugged me. At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who isContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web If I were marketing a new alcoholic beverage I’d name it “Responsibly” because then even my competition would have to say, “Please Drink Responsibly.” When his printer’s output grew faint, a man called the local computer repair shop. A friendly serviceman suggested it probably only needed a cleaning. “We canContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web Some days I wish more people were fluent in silence Well! Well! Well! If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions… Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean someone’s not out to get me. Never give your printer a hint that you are in a rush. It can smell fear.Continue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web When I see ads on TV with a happy, smiling housewife using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds she is on. I hate it when I go to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get…well, you know…Double Stuffed Oreos. Me, sobbing,Continue reading “Phriday Phunnies”

Stolen from around the web 75% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet. Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it. I hate it when people ask me what I did yesterday…I don’t know, I breathed a lot, probably got angry with someone…sighed heavily. The list goes on. Why do professional athletesContinue reading “Phriday Phunnies”